“Don’t attach yourself to anyone who shows you the least bit of attention because you’re lonely. Loneliness is the human condition. No one is ever going to fill that space. The best you can do is know yourself and know what you want.”—White Oleander
When I said I would post more yesterday. I was so busy with all the pictures from the fun time with Abi and Britney. I kind of wish I could my feelings into words right now. It seems that I’ve grown an attraction to this guy again. It’s been quite a while since I’ve felt these feelings, and sadly, I think I’m alone on that. I kind of like it like that though. A little challenge is fun, eh? Ha I’ve won him over before, but I decided that I cared what other people think and I didn’t go for it. I ditched out on him everytime he asked to hang out. I know, I know. I’m horrible. I do it to almost every guy. I guess I’m just scared. I don’t like get hurt, I don’t think anybody does, unless you’re a masochist. I’m sure he doesn’t believe I’m worth his time anymore, but I’m just going to have to prove him wrong. I will prove him wrong. I just click so well with him and I don’t do that a lot with guys. Another thing is I hope he isn’t a player. I could see him being like that… He knows exactly what to say and how to say it. Then again, he could just be a sweet person in general. You never know with guys these days. Player or not, I’m going to try this out for worst or best. I’ve never made myself stick to a relationship, except for one guy and that turned out to be a waste of time. I’m ready for a real relationship, instead of my usual make a guy like me then start talking to another one. I guess you could say I’m a form of a player, although I don’t use a guy for sex. I use them for attention and then when I’ve picked out all of their flaws, I decide they aren’t good enough for me. I then move on to the next guy and do the exact same thing. I would like to stick to one person, I really would. I just have all these expectations. For example: Will I know him in ten years? Does he fit into my plan? I shouldn’t date a guy down here when I plan on moving. Why would I date a guy who doesn’t seem to have any plans for the future? I should probably just wait until I’m in college. I’ll definitely meet my perfect guy in college. Could I marry or live with this guy? Do my friends approve? What if my friends don’t approve? I need to throw them all away and just go for whatever comes my way. I’m a teenager, this is time for experiencing things. Back to this guy I would just like to say: I do not understand him. He’s confusing me. I can usually read a guy like a book. He’s hard to read and I like that. This should be a very interesting experience…
So that must mean that I have some sort of news about Monday. I do, actually. Monday went so great. I just can’t even describe it. Though, I thought today would be good too, but it’s not. I just really wish things could be easier with all that type of stuff. Well, I’m about to go take some pictures with my ladies. I’ll post more later.
Good band, gooooood band. Well I’ve been sick for the past couple of days. Today being day two. Once again, I’m going out to test my immune system. Everyone is going to be at Eric’s house and Eric’s house is tiny. I really don’t want to be in that small space, but I’d rather be out and about. Hopefully I will better tomorrow, because after tomorrow is the day I’m most excited for. Monday Monday Monday! These past couple of days could not be going by slower. I’m so nervous for what will happen though. I fuck up a lot and I feel like I’m going to fuck up on Monday too. It wouldn’t be unusual. I just want everything to go perfectly and how I imagine it will be. I shouldn’t think that way though. Honestly, things never go the way you plan. They either go better than you planned or the opposite of how you planned. It’s making my stomach twist and turn. I just wish I could find stability. I’m hoping to find it on Monday. I know I’m being really mysterious about Monday, but I have good reasons. It’s like a wish, if you say it aloud, it won’t come true. I want my “wish” to come true. I’m sucha emotional baby. The end.
Why am I excited for Monday? Because on Monday, I am going to a show in Mobile. Why is that so exciting? Because I get to see people I haven’t seen in forever and I get to bring one of my bestfriends with me. She gets to see her new man and I’m really excited to see how that goes. I want her to find a nice guy as much as I want to find a nice guy for myself. Haha so pretty much I’m a very happy girl and I’m really hoping that everything goes well on Monday ;)
guys. Men are wonderful *sarcastic tone*. Actually, guys suck. I’ve never heard of a perfect relationship, so I very well know that all girls can’t not agree with this. I’ve been having many troubles with them recently. Maybe it’s me or maybe it’s the area. I really don’t know, but I do know I don’t like it. All I can think of while writing this is Taylor Swift’s “You Belong With Me” song. I don’t know why, that song does not relate to what has been going on in my life at all. Sorry, I’m not much of a writer. I’m more of the “Write what comes to mind, even though it may not be in correct order” writer. Anyways, back to the subject. I would really like to find a cute/nice/funny guy that I get along with and I can feel comfortable enough to be myself. Not just a boyfriend, but a bestfriend. Is that too much to ask?! Here lately I have been feeling very bestfriend-less, because my “bestfriend” has a boyfriend, who she has had for quite a while, and I’ve just had to learn to live without. That boyfriend, by the way, is not a nice guy and I would love for that nightmare to be over. That’s another story though. Why is it that guys write me and then seem to have nothing to say? I would really love to know if I’m the one killing conversation or if it’s them. I try so hard, but am I over-doing it? Am I attractive? Can’t I just be able to reel a guy in and have no trouble? I have so many questions, but no one to answer them. It’s all so irritating/confusing. Just thought I would rant about something. I could go on about this for hours. I’m sure many girls could relate too. Oh, also another thing I hate, is when you’re trying to talk to a friend about your guy problems and you ask them if they have ever had troubles getting a guy and they reply “Well to be honest, I’ve gotten every guy I’ve liked.” How uplifting.. thank you for making me feel worse. I’m not much of a complainer, but god, guys drive me up the wall. Thanks, boys for being the most confusing, but most attractive thing on Earth. I’m sure when I start tolike a guy I will forget all about this. Can’t wait for that. Sooooo can’t wait.